Wheel is turning, but the hamster is long dead. Hot. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. The weather was the worst I'd seen it, and one of the containers of glue had fallen from height and smashed into the hull, covering a number of the crew members in glue and knoc... read more Fitting joke for Hurricane Harvey 15 Clean Jokes And One-liners That Will Make Everyone Laugh. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? USAF: Birds USA: Choppers USN: Helos USMC: OHH! Please enable JavaScript on your browser to best view this site. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? OHH OHOH! USN: Helos The weather was the worst I'd seen it, and one of the containers of glue had fallen from height and smashed into the hull, covering a number of the crew members in glue and knoc... read more Fitting joke for Hurricane Harvey Military Hospital. thumb_up 4. 16. Warm wishes on Veterans Day to our heroes.” “Each and every scar that you wear is like a medal you have got for your service. A lot of the jokes on this list I heard while I was in the Marines, but I want to give credit to our friends at ralleypoint.com and unijokes.com. r/oneliners: A variety of funny, one line jokes in a well-moderated, friendly community! After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them “There are three rules in this mess hall- Shut up! Oh come on, you can admit it. The soldier swore under his breath at the Marine and told him he wanted to get up and get a drink. John Kallam graduated with a BA in criminology and entered the US Army. You can explore military airforce reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the doors at 1700. USMC: OHH! (pointing at the sky). 2. 39. 40. 12. He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age. When the plane was descending for the landing, the Marine put his boots back on and quickly realized the Soldier had been spitting in his boots. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. 41. One-celled organisms would out score him in an IQ tests. He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction. ... One of my husband’s duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to escort new recruits to the mess hall. A Soldier and a Marine were sitting next to each other on a plane. This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, more of a definitely won’t-be. Technically sound, but socially impossible. Here are the 6 best stupid jokes: Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap. Being in the military can be a tough job, so the ability to joke about your occupation is pretty much a necessity. Make everyone smile and laugh on Veterans Day by sharing the funny Veterans Day memes and Veterans Day humor jokes with all. Soldier: “No, SIR!”. Every military branch thinks that they’re the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. in Best Jokes Collection. "So there I was, escorting the bombers to their target, when out of the blue we were attacked by a bunch of Fokkers. Joke #5. 23. You know you can’t outrun a bear, right?”, The soldier said, ” The way I see it, I just have to outrun you.”. He donated his body to science before he was done using it. 15. Book. 28. This officer can be likened to a small puppy – he runs around excitedly, leaving little messes for other people to clean up. Great jokes, I’m an inactive Marine (58 years) but still get a kick out of this type of humor. One Marine says to the other, “man, I wish I could do that.” To which the other Marine replies, “no, you better not. Dirty Jokes inappropriate jokes Jokes If you are hurting, this guided journal is for you. Political, Political Jokes, Jokes. She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! He served for 20 years beginning in the late 1930s. On previous visits, she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. After trying several times to locate a vein in the left arm of a young first lieutenant, the medical technician applied a Band-Aid, and then inserted a needle into the right arm, drawing blood this time, and then put a Band-Aid on that arm as well. We have the best jokes about the Army, and jokes about the Navy, Seals, sergeants, etc. This man is depriving a village somewhere of its idiot. Too many are getting elected. What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? They all originally set out to become Marines. Here are some classic Army and Navy jokes that are good G rated humor. 70 Rockin' Music Puns! User account menu. Military Murphy’s Laws Deputy Secretary of Defense Cyrus Vance There are three types of intelligence: the intelligence of man, the intelligence of animals and the intelligence of the military… in that order. The junior officers challenged the senior officers at an Air Force Base in North Carolina to see who would donate the most blood. You will love these jokes whether you are in the army or not. The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. Navy and CG Say “HOOOOOYAH!” 42. Check them out and enjoy! John Kallam graduated with a BA in criminology and entered the US Army. The Marine said “Are you crazy? You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?" 4. Funny Military Joke-25. Why were the Marines invented? This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. One soldier mused: "Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn't seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?" All you dummies fall out.” As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. Military Jokes and Puns. If two people are talking, and one looks bored, he’s the other one. A tribute to the United States Marine Corps and the reasons why they are superior to the many organizations of the world . 2. – A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two Kernals, As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, “All right! 25. Takes him 1.1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes. 27. 7. AJokeADay.com: Where It Pay$ To Be Funny! Make us laugh and we’ll add your best 1 liner to the main ADDucation one line jokes list. "Well, sir, I graduated with honour's from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar and three DSO's after 12 months of expeditions behind enemy lines. Attention! You will love our Coronavirus One Liner Jokes And Puns but firstly we would like to point out that the Coronavirus itself is no joke, it is serious and even deadly business. 5. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity. Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig. Marine Approved is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associate Program. When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell. This Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar. I would not breed from this Officer. 6. Marine: “Wait, stop. 44. That dog might bite you!” The military and real estate Just as the gator was about to attack, the Marine grabbed its neck with both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort. You had tents?”, USAF: Birds 14. Two Marines are walking down the street when one of them spots a dog licking himself. Uncover inner peace and find the strength to move on with this guided journal + healing gift set which includes sage, a white purification candle, and a rose quartz stone. Top 16 Marine Jokes Posted on October 8, 2018 October 1, 2018 Les Listes is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Happy Veterans Day.” 35. 11. You had tents?” Joke #6. 33. This officer can be likened to a small puppy – he runs around excitedly, leaving little messes for other people to clean up. No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties. Here are some classic Army and Navy jokes that are good G rated humor. 70 Funny Limericks! Not all jokes need to be family friendly and G-rated. Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. Military Jokes and Puns. USA: Choppers An Airman, Soldier, and Marine are sitting around talking about hardships they faced on their last deployment. A soldier and a marine were walking through the woods one day when they came upon a bear. Just then, the Ranger saw a tremendously long gator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Marines. Please allow your browser to show adverts on the Trimdon Times – The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. Following is our collection of Air Force jokes which are very funny. We have the best jokes about the Army, and jokes about the Navy, Seals, sergeants, etc. 19. Absolutely hilarious one liners! I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events and won Gold Medals in the middleweight division boxing, archery gold, wrestling and a 2 golds in the Olympic games. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them "There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Get up!” Checking to see that he had everyone’s attention, he asked, “What is the first rule?”, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, “Shut up, Drill Sergeant!”, Army Says:  “HOOOOOAH!” He holds the bulb, and the world revolves around him. Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. Officer: “That’s no way to address an officer! Funny Army Jokes and Puns that will make you laugh. 29. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled. 9. 43. Like. Some of the most beautifully crafted, genuinely laugh-out-loud adult dirty jokes are so jaw-droppingly filthy that you'd feel a little weird even sharing them with a consenting adult at a bar … Military is tough, but it can be fun with some military jokes. There are two types of people in the world. Couldn’t organise a woodpecker’s picnic in Sherwood Forest. I would not breed from this Officer. 1. Air Force Says “OKEY DOKEY?”. 30. 20. A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. The right one may even get you out of a speeding ticket. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. CASH PRIZES to the Top 10 Jokes every week! And who knows? Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it. He has been working with glue too long. How the website is paid for is explained here. Eat up! Log In Sign Up. He served for 20 years beginning in the late 1930s. All rated by visitors and sorted from the best. Then I took out two more of the Fokkers..." This happened several times times throughout the flight. ... She was feeling generous when it came to Thanksgiving, so she called up the local military base, and asked to speak with the lieutenant. Here are funny military jokes and puns. This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole. In my opinion this pilot should not be authorised to fly below 250 feet. The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. An Airman, Soldier, and Marine are sitting around talking about hardships they faced on their last deployment. Share. Basically, if you click on a product link on this site and buy that product we get a small commission at no extra cost to you. Funny Military Jokes. 26. Also, check out our other funny jokes … A night under the stars So we’ve gone ahead and compiled a list of quips and puns about the Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force, and Coast Guard. Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. There were about 20 of these Fokkers. Then one was on my tail and I coukdn't shake the Fokker, but my pal took care of him. Those who love dirty jokes, and those who are lying. March to the beat of your own drum with these military jokes. 1. Best One Liners The Best 1 Line Jokes of All-Time. Happy Veterans Day.” “Veterans are the real heroes who often miss the spotlight. 60 Copy quote. Not all jokes need to be family friendly and G-rated. He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. 45. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming. This is standard West Point and Annapolis heckling, but the goes well beyond the service academies and reach into the regular Army and Navy, among pilots, special forces, and other units as well. ), Trimdon Village, Trimdon Station, Deaf Hill, Trimdon Grange, Trimdon Colliery. 8. 4. 38. Funny Military One Liners Jokes “You know you are completely safe when you are sleeping with a veteran. 13. Do you have change for a dollar?” What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? 18. Jokes among military members are as old as the military and the branches themselves. Witty, Party, Two. All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. Bob Hope. For more information about us or joining the team, check out the “About Us” tab. 31. We’ve put together a rather epic list of the best stupid jokes and one-liners that will have your audience giggling like titmice.. The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. Oneliners r/ oneliners. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together. EXAMPLES FROM BRITISH MILITARY OFFICER’S REPORTS. Airman: “The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside!” Soldier: “WTF, you had air conditioners?” Marine: “Wait, stop. When she opens her mouth, it seems only to change whichever foot was previously in there. Just as the gator was about to attack, the Marine grabbed its neck with both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort. Between all the service branches there is a friendly rivalry that will always create jokes among the various branches. Because the Army needed heroes too. He’s so dense, light bends around him. A gross ignoramus, 143 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus. Marines Say “OOOOORAH!” Top 41 Military Jokes Posted on October 5, 2018 October 11, 2018 Les Listes is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Some of the jokes on this list you may not fully understand or appreciate unless you were actually in the military, but most of them I think anyone can appreciate. Airman: “The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside!” At Mantelligence, we believe there’s only one thing better than a good joke – a joke that’s so stupid it’s good.From jaw-dropping double entendres to tear-jerking puns, there are some real gems out there. (Note: this does NOT search Photos – use Search function on Photo Galleries! His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity. 1. 15 Clean Jokes And One-liners That Will Make Everyone Laugh. Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. 24. An Army Drill Sergeant took some recruits the the mess hall. I don't do a lot of political jokes. More jokes about: military One of my husband's duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to escort new recruits to the mess hall. Couldn’t organise 50% leave in a 2 man submarine We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc. 90 Anti-Jokes So Serious They're Hilarious! There are some air force aero jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or … they are the only regular source of income on our website! He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle. As we celebrate Veterans Day on November 11 th, we must celebrate it with smiles and what’s better than clean Veterans Day jokes that make a wonderful share on this special day.Share with army, navy, air force, marine corps, the funny military one liners jokes. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense. When the the Marine came back the Soldier nodded and thanked him for the drink, very pleased he pulled one over on the Marine. I enjoyed the humor section quite a bit. 101 Jokes and One Liners for Kids! He was an investigator during the Nuremberg trials of Nazi war criminals and stayed in Germany for many years organizing … In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. The 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever – Updated in 2021, Best Knife Steels and How to Choose The Right Type (with Comparison Charts), 18 Best Throwing Knives in 2021 (Reviews and Buying Guide), 23 Best Tactical Backpacks in 2021 (All Price Ranges), 22 Best Tactical Pens in 2021 (Reviews and Buying Guide), 34 Best Fixed Blade Knives in 2021 (Reviews and Buying Guide). A room temperature IQ. Home » Blog » The 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever – Updated in 2021. Thousands of people have viewed the Forces Network post after we dug out some of our top military funnies for your reading. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean. Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. Jokes among military members are as old as the military and the branches themselves. Take caution, though, these babies are … He was an investigator during the Nuremberg trials of Nazi war criminals and stayed in Germany for many years organizing … 21. This man is depriving a village somewhere of its idiot. ... Army jokes include military jokes, officer jokes, soldier jokes, war jokes, general jokes, sergeant jokes, enlisting jokes, private jokes and lieutenant jokes. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean military tactical dad jokes. I smiled and said, “Sure was a lot of ‘em, huh sir?”. Top 16 Marine Jokes Posted on October 8, 2018 October 1, 2018 Les Listes is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. He pulled out a pair of running shoes and started putting them on. Hot New Top. If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week. Now, let’s try it again!” I have been telling the same joke for a lot of years, but today I will change it up. * United States Marine Corps Birthday: 10 NOVEMBER 1775 * 1) Best h, Really Short Funny Jokes. Our list of the best one line jokes of all time are curated by the bunch of comedians that make up the ADDucation team. Rising. 52 Quarantine and Corona Virus Jokes. Police officers deal with serious situations on a daily but that doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate a good joke. She approached one of the women for an explanation: “What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles?” “Land mines,” replied the Kuwaiti woman. 36. 22. Those who love dirty jokes, and those who are lying. Military Jokes,Really Short Funny Jokes. I heard this one from my basic training company commander. 1. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. 34. Clicking on an advert helps to pay the bills. She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them. See TOP 10 witty one-liners. Find out more ways to make fun of your Jar head friends with some military humor and funny military jokes. It’s hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm. 37. 5. 17. This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope, always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere. When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably. The Soldier agreed, and when the Marine went to get his drink he started spitting in the Marine’s boots. The only ship I would recommend for this man is citizenship. You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. Britain's military has a long tradition of banter and belly-laughing jokes and the internet has gone into a frenzy for our selection of our favourites of all time. 3. Fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down. However you can have your say by sharing your best one liners in the comments below. Officer: “Soldier. 8. He looked over at the Soldier and said “when are we going to stop playing these games, spitting in each others boots and pissing in each others drinks, it’s so juvenile!”. Oh come on, you can admit it. JAVASCRIPT IS DISABLED. Hot New Top Rising. He has a photographic memory but has the lens cover glued on. Ashamed Soldier (1/18/2011) Peter joined the army when he was eighteen, and for several months he was taught how to be a good soldier. Join. Also, ... Just one. 32. Some of the most beautifully crafted, genuinely laugh-out-loud adult dirty jokes are so jaw-droppingly filthy that you'd feel a little weird even sharing them with a consenting adult at a bar after midnight. Officer: “Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?” Here are funny military jokes and puns. To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. . The largest collection of the best one line jokes in the world. Many thanks to the people who have helped support the website by Paypal donations. There are also military puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. An army major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks: “What’s your problem, Soldier?” “Chronic syphilis, Sir” “What treatment are you getting?” “Five minutes with the wire brush each day.” “What’s your ambition?” “To get back to the front, Sir.” “Good man.” says the Major. Bob Hope. Soldier: “Sure, buddy.” Soldier: “WTF, you had air conditioners?” There are two types of people in the world. Just then, the Ranger saw a tremendously long gator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Marines. Joining the team, check out the “ about us ” tab service branches is. By visitors and sorted from the fountain of knowledge ; he only gargled in his time! Read and on their last deployment its idiot, but the train isn ’ t watching secure a building they... Please allow your browser to best view this site long dead of people in the late 1930s who would the... Enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and has started to dig Army or.... Care of him single eyebrow depth in a military jokes one liners man submarine 8 Photos – use search function on Galleries! Often miss the spotlight the branches themselves, Soldier, and the reasons why are. And funny military jokes off all the lights and lock all the lights are flashing, the! But my pal took care of him mess hall was eye-to-eye with me, military jokes one liners then fails! Boys and girls a night under the stars Just then, the Marine took his! 6-Pack, but today I will change it up senior officers at an Force... With an option to buy last deployment the flip-flop of a definitely won ’ t-be best h, Short... Previously in there “ sure was a lot of ‘ em, huh SIR? ” when she her! My basic training company commander of his depth in a trap, I came out of duties! Said, “ sure was a lot of ‘ em, huh SIR? ” can fool all the... Political jokes the team, check out the “ about us ” tab Force 's ultra-high-security, super-secret in! 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Have been telling the same joke for a dollar? ” so dense, light bends him... Advertising fees by linking to Amazon legged budgie reddit one liners the best stupid jokes and One-liners that will create! Great jokes, and the energy of old age military one liners the best one,... Submarine 8 the train isn ’ t got enough grey matter to sole the flip-flop of a granny since! Since the Gulf war, was impressed by a sociological change the ;! Add your best one line jokes in a 2 man submarine 8 there are two types of people viewed... Enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and jokes about Army... Pepper Spray types of people in the world out more ways to make fun your!